family
matters
A R E S O U R C E
A R E E N T R Y G U I D E F O R F A M I L I E S
B O O K 3 :
A D J U S T I N G T O R E E N T R Y
REENTRY SERIES
MANAGING
EXPECTATIONS
BOOK ONE
PRACTICAL
PREPERATIONS
BOOK TWO
ADJUSTING
TO REENTRY
BOOK THREE
BARRIERS
TO REENTRY
BOOK FOUR
BOOK FIVE
DOES REENTRY
END?
BOOK SIX
SERVICES &
SUPPORT
BOOK SEVEN
THE ADVOCATES
family matters
A LOVE
LETTER
TO OUR FAMILIES
"Our families are the invisible
victims of incarceration, so if
we want to end mass
incarceration we must
remember them as well."
- MARCUS BULLOCK
CEO/FOUNDER (FLIKSHOP)
ABOUT
Flikshop works hard to
keep every person i
n every cell connected
to their family members
and other commu
nity resources, prior to
their release...just like M
arcus' mom did while he
was in prison.
We built the Flikshop apps that allows our customers the ability to send photos and messages directly to any incarcerated person...no matter where they are housed.We built the Flikshop apps that allows our customers the ability to send photos and messages directly to any incarcerated person...no matter where they are housed.
We built the Fliksho
p apps that allows our
customers the a
bility to send photos an
d messages directly to a
ny incarcerated perso
n...no
matter where they are ho
used.
Each one of our Flikshop
postcards are filled wi
th words of love, emoji'
s, confessions of y
earning, and some pain.
They tell a story, and our
founder Marcus
Bullock knew that we
needed to figure out a way to leverage this love to help end recidivism around the globe.
-Buying necessary items
-Preparing physically
and emotionally
RELEASE
POST-RELEASE
REENTRY
TIMELINE
PRE-RELEASE
A D J U S T I N G T O R E E N T R Y
B A R R I E R S T O R E E N T R Y
-Expect Change
-Offer Support
-Providing Housing
-Job Hunting
M A N A G I N G E X P E C T A T I O N S
-Having conversations
-Doing research
P R A C T I C A L P R E P A R A T I O N S
T H E E N D O F R E E N T R Y
-Moving forward
-Staying out
-Getting connected
-Staying supported
S E R V I C E S & S U P P O R T S Y S T E M S
Few people are
completely
unchanged or
unscathed by the
prison
experience.
- C R A I G H A N E Y
In multiple interviews, families and returning citizens described
coming home as a honeymoon feeling. The first moment, days
and even weeks your loved one returns might be some of the
happiest moments of each of your lives. The joy you feel as you
breathe the same air again is something that is typically reserved
for your favorite fairy tale. This moment is amazing!
Eventually the honeymoon phase ends and you are left adjusting
to your new reality. Your loved one may come home a completely
different person. It may take them longer to find employment
than anticipated or you might have an increased anxiety about
your loved ones well being. In this major transition, your family
will have a lot of adjustments to make.
BOOK 3
ADJUSTING TO REENTRY
B O O K 3 A D J U S T I N G T O R E E N T R Y
Changes
“Few people are completely unchanged or unscathed by the
[prison] experience.” -Craig Haney
The hard truth is your loved one most likely has changed
while they were incarcerated. The extent of the change is
dependent upon the length of incarceration, the individual’s
personality and their connection to family and friends.
Prisonization is the term coined to describe the process of
accepting the culture and social life of prison society.
Even if you have consistently visited your loved one
throughout the years, you need to mentally prepare yourself
for potential changes - some you will love, others you will not
like so much.
The first major step in preparing for this is reading through
information on this topic in order to help you better
understand the changes in your loved one. This will allow you
to wrap your head around where your loved one is coming
from, and better prepare you for their behaviors.
Then, you need to give your loved one the time to adjust,
even if it takes longer than expected. You have to find a
healthy balance between giving them the time they need to
adjust and reintegrating them into everyday life. But, you also
have to prepare yourself for potential permanent changes.
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TOLL OF REENTRY
"MEN AND WOMEN MUST GRAPPLE WITH THE REALITY
THAT NOT ONLY HAS THE WORLD CHANGED SINCE THEIR
INCARCERATION, BUT THEY HAVE BEEN FOREVER
CHANGED BY THEIR INCARCERATION EXPERIENCE"
CLICK HERE TO READ MORE
One big adjustment that many returning citizens struggle with
is the newfound freedom in their decision making.
Incarceration is a very structured system and after years of
this routine most people struggle without it. This is also
common for people that are returning home from being
stationed in the military. Instead of having your loved one
struggle, you could help provide them with simple structures
to organize their day. For example, in your family plan you
could schedule particular times for meals or other activities to
ease your loved ones transition.
On the other hand, if your loved one returns home changed
for the better you should serve as continued positive support
and encouragement as they strive to reach their new goals.
This means helping them push through the resistance they’ll
face as they try to reestablish themselves or reminding them
of the progress they have made when others attempt to
demean them. Our CEO, Marcus Bullock, mentions this in his
TEDx talk.
Photo: Marcus Bullock at his Tedx Talk (Courtesy of Marcus Bullock)
B O O K 3 A D J U S T I N G T O R E E N T R Y
Another change to be cognizant of is all the changes in the
world since your loved one has been incarcerated. This can
be overwhelming and further complicate their transition. It is
important to have empathy and grace for your loved one as
they try to reconcile who they were with who they are now
and how the world appears to them.
Your loved one may not be the only individual that has
changed. By nature, humans are very dynamic. As we progress
through life and encounter different circumstances, pieces of
us change and we evolve over time.
This evolution can be greatly affected by having an
incarcerated loved one. As discussed in Book 1 of this series,
communication is a powerful tool. It is important to talk
through all the changes you are experiencing as a family. This
will allow everyone to share their frustrations and struggles.
Consider utilizing a family counselor that specializes in
reconciliation and can help you navigate the changes as a
unit.
Consider utilizing a family counselor that
specializes in reconciliation and can help you
navigate changes as a unit
B O O K 3 A D J U S T I N G T O R E E N T R Y
Life Went On: Now What?
While your loved one was gone, you had to adapt to life
without their physical presence. This meant establishing
patterns and dynamics that did not involve them. Their return
does not have to disrupt all the dynamics you have formed.
This is your opportunity to expand your team.
This update to the team can potentially create conflicting
feelings in your mind; it is normal to feel overwhelmed when
you are excited that they are home but also a bit tense while
integrating them back into the day-to-day.
Establishing new dynamics will require patience and effective
communication as you figure it out as a family. You should be
intentional about inviting your loved one to get involved
during this time. One creative way to rebuild family dynamics
is to begin a new hobby as a family. This can serve as a simple
way to develop bonds, enjoy each other and build something
new.
TIPS TO HELP SOMEONE ADJUST AFTER
PRISON
"INTRODUCE YOUR LOVED ONE TO NEW HABITS AND
HOBBIES. THIS WILL HELP THEM TO BUILD BONDS WITH
YOU."
CLICK HERE TO READ MORE
B O O K 3 A D J U S T I N G T O R E E N T R Y
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Independence
Initially, your loved one may need to depend on you for some
things. This may feel like a big weight that is hard to carry.
This is normally a time when your loved one will feel the most
vulnerable in the transition. Your support will be the most
invaluable resource and we caution our families to be
thoughtful about their emotions. Most of us do not want to be
a burden to our family or friends, and neither does your loved
one.
Also remember, as your loved one begins to gain their
independence, be sure to find your strength to let them build
their confidence. You are going to have to let go of their hand
and allow them the space to figure out the best ways to
execute on their goals. It is important to allow your loved one
to be in charge of their journey. Although you may feel the
need to continue doing things on their behalf, it is important
for them to gain their independence. It may seem like a
balancing act, but you will have to navigate being the support
that they need, while not overreaching or enabling them.
In Real Life:
Peter and Victoria
When Victoria returned home
from her 11 year sentence, she
depended on her husband
Peter for a majority of things.
This was a big adjustment for
Peter, as he learned how to
balance supporting her, their
children and his own life.
B O O K 3 A D J U S T I N G T O R E E N T R Y
“If I’m being honest, I never thought about the many ways
Victoria would need me.” Peter exclaims. “From picking her up
and dropping her off during the day for interviews, to picking
her up and dropping her off to see her friends. I did not want
to feel like a parent, but I also wanted to ensure that she was
supported.
”Overtime, as Victoria began to get her footing and build her
own life, Peter struggled with her not needing him as much
and the space this created. He had to learn how to allow
Victoria to continue to grow and gain her independence.
Victoria continues to blossom. She found ways to ask Peter for
help, while also contributing to the family. Peter found ways
to ensure that he supported Victoria, while not attempting to
do everything for her. It took time, but their family learned
how to adjust.
Rewards
Reentry can be a challenging time filled with numerous
adjustments for the entire family, but it is also filled with so
much joy. All the energy, in the form of time, letters, tears,
phone calls and visits, has finally paid off and you have the
opportunity to make new memories and continue to grow as a
family. Keith expressed his excitement about being home as
“their smiles are the reward, it is family first."
He continued on to share "My family made tremendous
sacrifices for me while I was incarcerated.” He shared that his
family’s excitement for him being home and being able to
participate in their big moments are all rewards. Beautiful
moments that you share as a family help carry you through the
harder trials and keep you committed to this reentry process.
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B O O K 3 A D J U S T I N G T O R E E N T R Y
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Wrapping Up
An important thing to remember while you are adjusting
is; change is a natural and healthy part of life. The key to
navigating change is being flexible and not holding
people to who they were. You have to change as life
changes. Another important thing to remember is to not
lose yourself in this process. Make sure you are
continuing to care for yourself while you care for your
loved one. Lastly, remember everyone involved in the
process is adjusting and going through a transition in
some way. Everyone involved needs to have grace for
themselves and others.
Photos: Keith and Danielle Williams with their children (Courtesy of Danielle Williams)
B O O K 3 A D J U S T I N G T O R E E N T R Y
“You have to pick
up the pieces and
create a new
puzzle.”
-DANIELLE STEELE WILLIAMS
How Prison Changes People BBC
Prisonization US Legal Definitions
Tips to Help Someone Adjust After Prison Texas Parole Law
The Psychological Toll of Reentry Florida State University
RESOURCES
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15
OUR
WHY...
YOU MATTER!
"True family support helps
reduce recidivism. True criminal
justice reforms starts with the
voices of families."
- DANIELLE STEELE WILLIAMS
FOUNDER
(FOR THE LIVES OF PRISON
WIVES)
Hopefully this Ebook has been littered with useful information
for everyone involved in the reentry process. As a final note,
we have compiled the greatest pieces of advice from all the
individuals that we interviewed for this ebook. We hope that
these words will provide further encouragement!
Final Advice for Families
Advocate while you wait. A lot of times families just wait,
instead they need to connect with advocacy groups in order
for their voices to be heard. If families just sit quietly, changes
won’t happen. -Danielle Steele Williams, family member
“You have to remember that the loved one that you are
waiting on is worth it.” -Keith Williams, formerly
incarcerated
Everyone has a role to play when our loved ones are coming
back, and at the end of the day they are our family members.
They are our moms, fathers, brothers and sisters. We don’t
need to continue sentencing them because they have already
done their time. We need to love them.
-Kenyatta Leal, formerly incarcerated
“The emotional aspect is a huge part of making sure success
happens, but most individuals and families do not deal with
the emotional piece of it. Everyone should consider a session
with a therapist.” -Marcy Mistrett, advocate
Be prepared for your loved one wanting to make their own
decisions as opposed to just following the decisions the
family tries to make for them. - Rita Willis, family
member
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C O N C L U S I O N F I N A L A D V I C E
C O N C L U S I O N F I N A L A D V I C E
“Reentry is a long process that requires love, acceptance and
patience. Just love them for all their imperfections, all their
changes and everything. They need love and acceptance.”
- Carrie Simon,
advocate
“Look at this as a new chapter for the returning individual and
for the family as a whole, and take it all one day at a time. Be
there to listen to your loved one, and never give up on them.”
-Reverend Dr. Sylvia Bullock, family member
“Families should do a comprehensive needs assessment to
determine what services and resources they need. Ask
yourself, `What does everyone need to be successful?’”
-Dr. Velvet Smith, family member
“You have to take things day by day.”
-Dr. Jaclyn Walker, family member
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Thank You!
A special thank you to everyone who participated in
the interviews we conducted in order to create this
project, it really would not have been possible without
your help. Additionally, thank you to everyone that
sent in photos.
Thank you; Danielle Steele Williams, Rita Willis, Dr.
Velvet Smith, Dr. Jaclyn Walker, Reverend Dr. Sylvia
Bullock, Kenyatta Leal, Keith Williams, Marcy Mistrett,
Carrie Simon and Daren Swenson.
To the family members; thank you for sharing your
stories, and your dedication to your loved one.
To the returning citizens; thank you for the
vulnerability and your strength. Your resiliency is
inspiring and your voice is powerful.
To the advocates: thank you for all you do, especially
for the hard work that is never seen. You are creating
real change.
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