Avow | 1095 Whippoorwill Lane, Naples, FL 34105 | (239) 261-4404 | avowcares.org/avow-kids
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How Kids Process
Grief Based on Age
Funding
provided
in part by:
Avow | 1095 Whippoorwill Lane, Naples, FL 34105 | (239) 261-4404 | avowcares.org/avow-kids
Grieving Process for Children Ages 0 to 5
Do Babies and Toddlers Grieve?
The answer is yes. Babies and toddlers don’t yet have a full understanding of death, and they don’t know how to
communicate their feelings with words. However, babies and toddlers can definitely express feelings of loss and
separation, and are likely to pick up on the anxiety or distress of close adults or others around them.
Common reactions can include:
• Looking for the person who has died.
• Being irritable.
• Crying more.
• Wanting to be held more; being clingy.
• Being less active – quiet, less responsive.
• Losing weight.
• Being jumpy, anxious.
• Being fretful, distressed.
Do Preschoolers Grieve in the Same Way?
Even though preschoolers are no longer infants, they find it hard to understand that death is permanent. In this
developmental stage, they are expressing imagination. This can become tricky because children may think someone
will come alive again, or they may think the death was caused by something they did.
Common reactions can include:
• Looking for the person who has died.
• Dreaming or sensing the presence of the person who has died.
• Being fearful, anxious, or clingy.
• Being fretful, distressed.
• Being irritable; having more tantrums.
• Withdrawing, being quiet, showing a lack of response.
• Eating changes.
• Sleeping difficulties.
• Toileting problems, bed wetting, soiling.
• Regressing in progress; for example, returning to crawling, wanting a bottle.
Resources
Websites/apps to use for relaxing/calming/working through feelings:
• Https://www.dougy.org/resources/audience/kids?how=&who=&type=&age=0-6 : This link leads to the Dougy
Center web page where there is a specific link for resources for kids processing grief. Using a filter at the top of
the page, you can specifically set the age for 0 to 6 years old. The link has over 2 pages and 20 different articles and
activities for you and your child.
• Https://www.nextstep4adhd.com/top-5-calming-apps-for-children-and-what-to-use-as-an-alternative/ : This link
leads to an article that suggests five calming apps for children you can download right to your phone or tablet.
These top five apps can help your child learn to meditate and calm the mind. Many of these apps include guided
meditations, which is ideal for children who are new to mindfulness.
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Avow | 1095 Whippoorwill Lane, Naples, FL 34105 | (239) 261-4404 | avowcares.org/avow-kids
Books
“The Fall of Freddie the Leaf” by Leo Buscaglia
This book touches children and adults alike, illustrating the delicate balance between life and death. “The Fall of Freddie
the Leaf” is a warm, thought-provoking story about how Freddie and his companion’s leaves change with the passing
seasons and the coming of winter.
“When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death” by Laurie Krasney Brown, illustrated by Marc Brown
For more than 25 years, families have used this book to explain death, dying and coping with grief and loss.
“I Miss You: A First Look at Death” by Pat Thomas
When a close friend or family member dies, it can be difficult for children to express their feelings. This book helps boys
and girls understand that death is a natural complement to life, and that grief and a sense of loss are normal feelings for
them to have following a loved one’s death.
For Additional Help
Avow Hospice
(239) 261-4404
For hospice, palliative care and grief support services
National Alliance for Grieving Children
(866) 432-1542
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
(800) 273-8255
Available 24/7. Languages: English and Spanish
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Avow | 1095 Whippoorwill Lane, Naples, FL 34105 | (239) 261-4404 | avowcares.org/avow-kids
Grieving Process for Children Ages 6 to 8
• Children may have difficulty understanding death. Children in this age group are very concrete thinkers with a
tendency towards magical/fantasy thoughts.
• Children may feel denial, anger, sadness and confusion. They may also feel responsible and worry their wishes or
thoughts caused the person to die.
• Children may experience regressive behaviors. They may need help learning tasks they previously learned such
as tying shoes, toileting, etc.
• Children may ask the same questions multiple times as they try to process their grief. Examples of questions
include “How did he/she/they die? What will happen to him/her/them now”?
• They may have poor academic performance, behavior changes such as low/high energy, physical complaints like
headaches, stomachaches or other pain.
How Can You Help?
• Encourage children to express their feelings through different activities such as drawing, stories, physical activities,
or just simple conversation.
• Normalize those feelings and be honest when explaining the death using concrete language such as “died or
death” instead of “gone, passed on or lost.”
• Allow children to ask questions and be repetitive.
Grieving Process for Children Ages 8 to 12
• This age is often when children begin to create their own philosophy of life and death. Preadolescents are gaining
more independence from their parents and other adults while creating stronger ties with their peer group.
• Children begin to understand the permanence of death and how this will affect them long-term.
• They are better able to understand the facts surrounding the death of someone than they are the feelings
surrounding the death.
• They may experience feelings of guilt and regret which can lead to concern that their thoughts and actions made
that person die.
• They may perceive death as a frightening and painful experience, which can lead to anxious feelings and concern
over the safety of themselves and others.
• Children may also fear that whatever caused the death (for example, a car accident, a hurricane) will happen again.
• Children may experience trouble concentrating in school or changes in eating/sleeping habits. They may also
withdraw from peers and friends.
How Can You Help?
• Encourage children to express any feelings they are experiencing. Be present with them, but also allow some alone
time. Be a good active listener, but avoid any advice giving unless they ask for it. Do normalize their feelings.
• Don’t avoid talking about death or about the person who died.
• Help children identify people and activities that can help them feel supported.
• Work to reestablish safety and predictability in daily life.
• Model expressing emotions and taking care of yourself.
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Avow | 1095 Whippoorwill Lane, Naples, FL 34105 | (239) 261-4404 | avowcares.org/avow-kids
Resources
Apps to Use for Relaxing/Calming/Working through Feelings
• “Stop, Breathe & Think” For kids ages 5-10, this app is designed to help with breathing, focus, and processing
emotions. Kids will be able to learn about self-check and they will have fun completing “missions.”
• “Super Stretch” An educational yoga tool to use and teach the fun of physical activity and breathing to children.
They will use the skills of self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-regulation.
• “Breathing Bubbles” This app helps kids understand their emotions. They choose the intensity at which they feel their
emotions, then learn how to release those emotions and focus their attention on good feelings.
Books
• “One Wave at a Time” by Holly Thompson
• “The Grief Bubble: Helping Kids Explore and Understand Grief” by Kerry Debay
• “Thank You Mind: Understanding My Big Feelings On Tricky Days” by Jennifer Cohen Harper
• “A Taste of Blackberries” by Doris Buchanan Smith
• “The Empty Place: A Child’s Guide Through Grief” by Roberta Temes, Ph.D., illustrated by Kim Carlisle
How Avow Can Help
Avow Kids offers a variety of support groups, camps, workshops and one-on-one counseling with licensed mental health
counselors. Following is a partial list of support groups and events; view the complete calendar at www.avowcares.org/
calendar. Groups are held via Zoom or in person.
• Virtual Mondays Fun Days.
• Virtual Good Grief Group.
• Virtual Art Groups.
• Virtual Movement Group.
• Virtual Moving Past Grief Group.
• Avow Movie Nights (in-person events).
• Equine Therapy (in-person sessions).
• Teen Connections Group.
• Camp MendingHeart®.
• Avow Kids and David Lawrence Centers “Mindful Families” Sessions.
To RSVP for any group or for more information, send a message
to avowkids@avowcares.org or call (239) 261-4404.
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Avow | 1095 Whippoorwill Lane, Naples, FL 34105 | (239) 261-4404 | avowcares.org/avow-kids
Resources
Websites and Apps
• https://www.dougy.org/grief-support-resources/teens.
• “Meditation for Sleep” by Headspace®.
Books
• “Healing Your Grieving Heart for Teens: 100 Practical Ideas” by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
• “Healing a Teen’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas for Families, Friends and Caregivers” by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
• Journaling.
Local Resources
• Avow: (239) 261-4404
• David Lawrence Centers: (239) 455-8500
www.davidlawrencecenter.org
• NAMI: (800) 950-6264 (M-F 10am-8pm)
In a crisis, text NAMI to 741741 for 24/7 confidential, free crisis counseling.
www.nami.org
• Suicide Hotline: (800) 273-8255 24/7, 7 days a week.
www.floridahealth.gov
• Surviving After a Suicide Loss: (239) 253-6600
www.survivingafterasuicide.com
Grieving Process for Teens Ages 13 to 18
• Teenagers will be able to understand the permanence of death and may question the meaning of life and death.
• Teenagers may physically manifest their symptoms.
• They may have difficulty at school, be unable to concentrate, and have difficulty completing schoolwork.
• They may exhibit risk-taking and impulsive behaviors including substance use.
• Teens may become withdrawn from relationships.
• Common feelings for this age group are feelings of shock, anger, and depression.
• Teens may have a strong desire to protect loved ones.
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Avow | 1095 Whippoorwill Lane, Naples, FL 34105 | (239) 261-4404 | avowcares.org/avow-kids
10 Ways to Help Yourself through Grief
1. Let Others Help You
• Trust others to help.
• Share feelings and pain.
2. Remember, It’s Normal to Feel What
Seems Abnormal
• It is common to feel that you’re “going crazy.”
• Anger and fear will be present.
3. Express Thoughts and Feelings
• Words are most helpful and least harmful.
• Crying is healthy. It is ok to be angry.
4. Do Not Try to Avoid Grief
• Avoiding grief adds misery.
• Lean into your feelings.
5. Reach Out
• Sharing is our responsibility.
• Do not assume others know what you need.
6. Help Others
• Memorialize.
• Do more than expected.
7. Rise Above Bitterness
• Grudges deplete energy.
• Forgive yourself and others.
8. Expect to Regress
• Grief is erratic.
• Special times/holidays can be hard.
9. Maintain Physical Strength
• Have healthy eating and sleeping habits.
• Find ways to relax.
10. Deal with Your Needs and
Immediate Problems
• Decide what your needs are.
• Seek healthy ways to meet your needs.
Some Things to Remember
• You are not alone. Talk to others you trust.
• Emotions are normal and healthy.
• This is not something you’ll “get over.” It’s a journey, not an event.
• Take time to cherish the memories.
• It’s important to share your experience with others.
• Things that seemed important before the death may not feel the same now.
• Don’t numb your pain in unhealthy ways.
• People grieve differently.
Some Things to Help
• Express yourself.
• Writing about your pain is a good way to let yourself feel it.
• Join a group.
• Take care of yourself.
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Avow | 1095 Whippoorwill Lane, Naples, FL 34105 | (239) 261-4404 | avowcares.org/avow-kids
About
The Avow Kids program, designed for children ages 5 -17, provides support and companionship to children
who are grieving the loss of a parent, sibling, friend, or relative through illness, accident, suicide, or homicide.
Avow also helps children process and heal from other types of loss, including divorce, the loss of a friend,
instability in the foster care system, and deployed parents and family members. Avow Kids is committed to
supporting children through all types of loss experiences. With the help of trained children’s grief experts,
children and their families have an opportunity to move through their unique experience of loss in a safe,
nonjudgmental environment. All services are offered at no cost.
About
Aunt Janet’s House is designed with children and teens in mind. It’s a freestanding home on the Avow campus
that houses a multitude of support groups, camps, and experiences for children dealing with a loss, at no
cost. Comfy, secure, and designed to help kids express their most difficult feelings for the greatest healing:
that’s Aunt Janet’s House.
Sessions held in Aunt Janet’s House include day camps, movie nights, family events, and one-on-one
meetings with our Avow Kids bereavement counselors. The house includes spaces for music therapy,
art therapy, and activities; there is also a GLOW room, where participants can write and draw their feelings
on acrylic panels illuminated by black lights.
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